My Ramon

Ramon Eduardo Taveras Cruz, born October 28, 1995, better known to his siblings as “the Baby.”

What can I say about my Ramon, my friend, my last gift from above. To say I miss him every second of every day I continue to breathe without him, is not enough…

On November 28, 2017 at 7:30 pm as I was leaving work I got a phone call from my partner. She said something is wrong with Ramon. What happened to my insides that day, is something I can’t describe with words, but I will try.

I felt that my heart was being squeezed tight and my lungs had stopped giving me oxygen…

I don’t remember how many minutes it took me to get home, or how I drove myself to my son’s apartment — to find him dead…

Dead, oh my god, I was never going to give him another lecture or another hug. He was never going to tell me one of his ridiculous stories and make me laugh. I was never going to see his perfect smile that lit up any room.

Ramon, oh my god, how the hell am I supposed to accept that he is gone…

I can’t, it is so incredible, so wrong, so unexpected, so soon.

Ramon was my pain in the ass, MINE. I accepted it, and I supported him.

Ramon, my world has changed one-hundred percent since his death…There is no healing, no pill, no grief group! NOTHING makes it better.

Ramon left me two pieces of himself and because of them I have to go on, and “have to” is my truth, I have to go on. I must make sure that his daughters get to know him through me and I will.

I was blessed to have Ramon in my life for 22 years and one month.

Cristiana M. Cruz is a Dominican native who was raised in the Bronx. She is a proud mother of five and grandmother of two.

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